FanPost

Re: Seagal's Putin Persuasion

Assault At The UN

Following a meeting of the General Assembly, Russian President Vladimir Putin surprised the United States’s Secretary of State John Kerry with a front kick to the jaw rendering the Vietnam War Vetern unconscious. Following the incident, Mr. Kerry commented, " It is always with some trepidation that I approach Mr. Putin with a handshake, I am cognizant that I have a considerable height advantage and do not like giving up the distance, by instinct, I always want to the throw a couple jabs at him to keep him at bay, maybe set up a short left or overhand right, but handshakes and a smile are the bedrock of politics, my friend, so as I extended my hand, I did so knowing that he may grab me and go for a leg sweep or just drop for a leg or something, I simply didn’t see the kick coming. I may have swallowed my bicuspid".

Reports from Russia have detailed the new onset hair growth of President Putin, often concealed by way of ponytail, and his recent adoption of a new manner of dress, involving weird collared 3/4 length shiny sport coats and cowboy boots. Earlier reports of President Putin being involved with a fat American transvestite have been proved erroneous, and we have unconfirmed reports that Mr. Steven Seagal, has been in Moscow filming a reality show for the A and E Network, when reached for comment, all Mr. Seagal would say is that the front kick is an under utilized technique, and then burped and whispered the names of all his films alphabetically in what seemed like one breath.

President Obama expressed support for Mr. Kerry, reminding Americans, that Mr. Kerry has sick stand up skills and a slick ground game, and intimated that the incident was a fluke, muttering under his breath incredulously, “fucking front kick”, while simultaneously shaking his head left and right.




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