Someone out there needs to somehow create a metric to measure how many buys a specific media appearance generated towards a UFC pay-per-view. Because if that metric existed, Thursday's UFC 158 conference call may have shattered the record.
The entire audio of the call can below found below in the Stew, and believe me, it's gold. Though I've also transcribed several of the more entertaining sections for your convenience.
To start, you just knew we had something special on our hands when the call kicked off with this gem of an exchange.
Dana White: Hello, everybody. Thanks for calling in. We appreciate it very much for your time. And I don't think there's any shocker, we're looking for Nick Diaz. We can't find him, but as soon as we do, we'll get him on the call.
(Instantly) Diaz: Hello? ... (mutters) F--ker ... Can you hear me? Yeah, hello?
After some opening pleasantries, including Carlos Condit's only appearance on the call, St-Pierre was asked for his thoughts on the #GSPsdarkplace meme that has kicked around Twitter for the past week.
St-Pierre: I have not seen it. I never tweet once in my life. I have people doing it for me and posting the stuff for me. I'm not into the social media at all.
(Diaz is asked for his thoughts.)
Diaz: I don't know why he's acting up. I think he should just be himself and do his thing. He wants to come all up from the dark side on this one? I don't understand it. I really don't. I don't care. I'm not told about how they're going to portray me or him. They don't give me any, like, ideas or plans on how they're going to do some sort of a build-up, or Primetime, or if they're going to do it, or if they're not going to do it. I'm not sitting around planning how I'm going to act or how I'm going to come off. Oh, I better say something intimidating, or I better talk this s--t or that s--t. I just got to do what I got to do.
So I don't know what he's going through with the whole dark side, or where he comes from, or wherever. I know where the f--k I come from. I don't have to dredge up some bulls--t to get everybody excited.
Diaz: Me and Georges St-Pierre, we're a lot different. For me, I look past every opponent because I'm not looking at just one obstacle. I think for me, it's easier to deal with when I accept the fact that I'm never going to get out of this. There's always, it's not just a fight, it's fighters. So I look past every opponent to get to the No. 1 spot of the welterweight division, and I look past that, I look further beyond that.
If it were up to me, I would take that fight with Anderson Silva. I would say, 'Yeah, of course.' I'm looking forward to the next best thing, always, and the next best thing is always the closer fight to the No. 1 fight, and that's what I've been working toward this whole time.
I'd have to take a long hard look, but if I had that option available to me, I would be honored to be in that position, and I would be gratefully accepting of that position or fight, if you will, with the ‘85-pound champion or the 155-pound champion. I would take either fight, and I think I could beat either guy. I'd like to be the guy to win a title at both weights. I'd like to be a runner-up in the pound-for-pound rankings. That's the No. 1 goal, aside from the No. 1 ranking in the welterweight division.
(Diaz is then asked if he really hates doing media. Even though he is quite good at it, I might add.)
Diaz: I like [doing media] just fine. I just like to know about it.
I don't mind if there's a camera crew sitting in the backseat of my car. I could give a s--t. I just don't like what I'm not ready for. I don't know about it, you know? You got Georges, you got someone over there powdering his nose out and they are going to send him off for a video shoot. He's got someone making a Twitter for him. Now he don't even know how to talk and don't even know how to act right. He's got people living his life for him in the open, out in the public.
Like, my life's a mess. I'm not afraid to admit it. I work hard, regardless, through this s--t. But I don't have people toweling me off and handing me water bottles left and right, and getting my training ready for me and getting my s--t ready. I got to do all that s--t on my own.
I don't have people sending tweets out for me. I don't have people taking care of my money, or financial tax obligations, or whatever. All that stuff that's important, that people don't want to talk about. Yeah, I'm pretty f--ked there because I am too busy fighting all your fights. I'm too busy entertaining all the fans. I don't see anybody else bringing s--t to the table.
Everybody wants to be like GSP. Everybody wants to be strong and they want to have that fitness. They want to just overcome that technical aspect by being stronger, more explosive, quicker, beating you to the punch when it comes to sparring in five minutes. It's just, it's really not what martial arts is about. This is mixed martial arts, and that's what we should bring to the table for the fans. That's what fans want to see.
They can recognize that obviously, because guess what? I've lost a s--tload of fights, but I'm still here. I'm here to fight because people know what they want to see. They want to see real skill level. They want to see real boxing, real traditional jiu-jitsu put together, mixed up. They want to see mixed martial arts. They don't want to see five minutes of holding. I think people should be point deducted for it or running away, or holding on. You should have to punch down and make action. But that's whatever. Maybe one day.
At this point Diaz was only warming up, and that became clear once St-Pierre was asked if he believed he was pampered.
St-Pierre: I'm sorry?
(Interrupting) Diaz: I hope so, motherf--ker! If I had that much money I'd be pampering myself the f--k up!! I'd be having motherf--kers pampering my s--t left and f--king right! There would be motherf--kers every hour, on the hour, showing up to pamper me out. Period.
(Interrupting) St-Pierre: Let me tell you something, uneducated fool. Listen to me.
(Interrupting) Diaz: (Indecipherable.) Right. Okay. You do a great job of explaining and making things real for what they are motherf--ker. I'm stupid. I can tell what's what.
St-Pierre: Yeah, you look pretty smart right now.
Diaz: You say what you're going to say. I'll listen. You say what you're going to say, and you know, I can understand you. The rest of the people in the world should be able to understand you when you try to say whatever it is the f--k you're trying to say, so say it.
St-Pierre: I've not always been like this. I've not always been rich. I started from the bottom. I make myself and I work very hard to be where I am now. And as much as I know you don't believe this, because you didn't succeed yet, and maybe you will never succeed in your like, because I don't think you're smart enough to understand how you should do to reach that point. But when you talk about stuff that I have people doing for me, it's called passive income. When you reach a point for your business, you need people, you need a team to make the economy, to make the money rolling.
(Interrupting) Diaz: That sounds nice, Georges. That sounds nice, Georges. Okay, if I wore some tight shorts and I went out there and I got a f--king haircut, and I had someone buttering me up halfway through, telling me this bulls--t, maybe I would've worked out. But I doubt it. You don't even know where I come from. You try to talk about where you come from. You should see this s--t out here. Nobody wants to come out here. Nobody gives a s--t about...
(Interrupting) St-Pierre: You don't know anything about me, man. You don't anything about me. You think I was born rich? I am not, my friend.
(Interrupting) Diaz: I'm sure you worked hard.
(Interrupting) St-Pierre: No. You have no idea where I've come from. You have no idea.
(Interrupting) Diaz: No! You worked on your backflip, and you got your s--t right. You f--king got out there...
(Interrupting) St-Pierre: And I succeeded. You're not the only jealous guy trying to take my place.
(Interrupting) Diaz: No. Aye, I'm not jealous. Okay? You did the right s--t. You did what you had to do. But you had a year on me too. You won that fight. Alright? I was coming right behind you. I don't have anything to say to you. I don't mean to be disrespectful. I don't have anything against you. When it comes to what you're doing, I think you've done a great job. To be honest with you, just so you know that, I think that you do a wonderful job for who you are, and what you do, what you have to work with, and whatever it is.
Sure, you're pampered out. Okay? I don't have anything against that. All I'm saying is, look, I hope so, motherf--ker, because this is some f--ked up s--t. And if I had the money and I had the right people on my side, working for me, if I had some motherf--kers dropping dime on this guy and that guy, to make sure I had my s--t ready for me, I would be doing it. And you bet your ass it'd get done. But I'm over here. Try that from when you're 21 all the way until you're 32, what you are now. It's a b--ch.
St-Pierre: If you are where you are now, and I am where I am, it's your fault. It's because of you, man. Because you didn't succeed.
(Interrupting) Diaz: Whatever, man. I was never putting any blame or pointing any fingers towards you, or anything being your fault. You're the one f--king rapping about how you're not pampered or you are pampered, or whatever. Answer the f--king question then. That's all this is about. You don't have any f--king arguments with me, dude.
St-Pierre: I don't event know what that means, man. I'm pampered?
Diaz: You don't even know what that means? What the f--k?! You don't have any argument...
(Interrupting) St. Pierre: I don't understand half of the words that you're saying because your English. I speak English better than you, man. Talk to me like...
(Interrupting) Diaz: No, you're talking s--t and you're out of line, bro. Straight up. You understand that, right? You're rapping that bulls--t and you're f--king out of line. Understand that. I didn't say s--t. The guy asked what you think about being pampered and s--t like that. You didn't even get to answer the question because I said, ‘Motherf--ker, I hope you're pampered.
(Interrupting) St. Pierre: You see, I don't understand half of what you said. I don't even understand half of what you said, Nick. (Indecipherable.)
By now it'd become clear that this call belonged solely to Diaz and St-Pierre. Both White and Condit had already bailed, and all it took was a question of St-Pierre's motives to start the party back up.
Diaz: He doesn't have enough reason to fight me? Straight up. Other than I'm the No. 1 martial artist and I've got a bad attitude. I deserve to get beat down? That's what you said, right? Who the f--k are you?! I'm over here. You know what, honestly, straight up, I don't think that you deserve to get beat down. I don't think that. I don't want anybody to get beat down. I'd like to win the fight. You know me real well. You know I deserve to get beat down.
(Interrupting.) St. Pierre: Nick. Nick. Nick. Listen to me, Nick. Do you seriously think that I'm afraid of you, man?
(Interrupting) Diaz: No, no, no, no. Motherf--ker. Look, I seriously believe that you told that to the cameras, so you believed that I deserved to be beat down. For whatever I've done in my life. (Indecipherable.) I deserve it for running my mouth to get this position, to become something of what you are? And now I deserve to be beat down? And you're making those statements to the whole world, that I'm this piece of s--t that deserves to be beat down. And then you let Dana talk like I'm the most disrespectful person that you've ever met, and I deserve to take an ass whooping, or you're going to beat the s--t out of me. You let him say that.
Check it out motherf--ker. I pulled up to a stop light the other day, and some f--king 40-year-old lady, some soccer mom, sticks her head out the window, and she's like, 'I hope GSP beats your ass!' We're in f--king Lodi, b--ch! Are you serious?! You want to beat my ass. That's wonderful. I'm living in a f--king small town full of people who hate me over here. And, you know, I'm trying to f--king work my way up into a fight, and now I'm the most disrespectful human that walks the Earth and I deserve to have the s--t beat out of me. I'm just this disgusting person. Because you know what, when you say something, everybody f--king believes it, dude. Everybody wants to know what Georges thinks and what Georges says, and wants to look like how Georges looks, and wear tight shorts like Georges, and get strong. Forget about jiu-jitsu. Forget about boxing. Let's do a superman punch like Georges. F--k mixed martial arts. F--k the martial arts aspect, and the jiu-jitsu. And where the f--k did you come from? Who the f--k gave you your black belt? I think that guy deserves more credit. Whatever. I guess that's disrespectful right there. If you want your disrespect, that's it right there.
St-Pierre: Have you listened to yourself, Nick? Listen to yourself a little bit.
(Interrupting) Diaz: You know what? Fine. Fine. Fine. For all the fans, I'm this crazy motherf--ker. But you know what? You know where I'm coming from, bro. You're not stupid. You understand every f--king word I'm saying right now. You're over there trying to talk s--t. Why don't you just drop it. Why don't you just say, `Look, we're going go, we're going to have a little fight?' I'm not a disrespectful human being. I don't deserve to be beat down. Okay? You think you're going to f--king win for whatever f--king reason. And that's that, you know?
Don't get me wrong, you have a good reason to think that. You're the No. 1. You're the best, right? That's fine. That should be enough right there. I'm disrespectful this and that. I'm the most f--king piece of s--t out there. I'm sure you can find worse than me. That's not the reason why we're fighting. That may be the reason why the fans like this fight, or what sparked it up, or you know, but I'm the right guy.
(Interrupting) St-Pierre: Yes, you are. Listen to me. You are the right guy, Nick. You are the right guy.
6 MUST-READ STORIES
Diaz, GSP explode on conference call. By now you already know what happened. Though we didn't get a chance to cover this early candidate for quote of the year. From Diaz: "I'd like to be thought of as someone who keeps it real. I don't like that I'm made out to be this evil person, who needs to be shot down and conquered. If anything, I'm the superhero coming in with the anti-bulls--t."
JDS drama. UFC President Dana White initially announced that former champ Junior dos Santos will wait and fight Alistair Overeem, not Mark Hunt, at a yet-to-be-determined date. White subsequently took to Twitter to claim that Hunt turned down the fight, however Hunt later dismissed that accusation. White ended the night with this ominous tweet: "Mark Hunt and I just got off the phone and had a GREAT conversation!"
Frodo, Richman advance. Frodo Khasbulaev defeated Marlon Sandro via third-round TKO and Mike Richman edged Alexandre Bezerra via split decision to advance to the finals of Bellator's season-eight featherweight tournament at Bellator 92.
Cruz, Vera, ATC split with Irvin. In the wake of the controversy surrounding Team Lloyd Irvin, both Brandon Vera and Dominick Cruz, as well as Alliance Training Center, have cut ties with BJJ instructor Lloyd Irvin.
Santiago signs. Former UFC middleweight Jorge Santiago inked an undisclosed deal with World Series of Fighting. Santiago racked up a 1-5 record over three stints in the UFC, but is 24-6 elsewhere.
Marshall, Cooper to finals. Doug Marshall and Brett Cooper advanced the finals of Bellator's season-eight middleweight tournament with victories over Sultan Aliev and Dan Cramer at Bellator 92.
Yesterday's conference call. Text doesn't do this justice. Trust me: Watch it. Love it.
Sources tell me the Nick Diaz from Thursday's conference call was actually Prebek in disguise. I'm on to you, sir.
MMA Fighting scores this round 10-8 for Michael Bisping.
This was David Dziurzynski's first fight in the NHL. That's probably not how he imagined it playing out.
Since Shogun-Lil' Nog II is now set is stone, it seems fitting to look back on the pair's incredible 2005 battle.
This is a video of Junior dos Santos singing Katy Perry. For real. It is.
WAR OF WORDS
GSP & Diaz were going at it . Vegas should do a line on whether they will touch gloves or not , I'd say NO #UFC158— Derek Brunson (@DerekBrunsonMMA) March 7, 2013
Listening to the #UFC158 conference call. GSP says he's never tweeted and he's not into social media. Does that bother his fans?— Chris Camozzi (@ChrisCamozzi) March 7, 2013
"@arielhelwani: GSP: I've never tweeted once in my life. I have people doing it for me. I'm not into social media at all." Wow love the fans— Roy Nelson (@roynelsonmma) March 7, 2013
If you are missing this @ufc conference call you are missing classic Diaz. Lol— Cesar Gracie (@CesarGracieBJJ) March 7, 2013
@arielhelwani - I couldn't put the phone down— Jake Ellenberger (@EllenbergerMMA) March 7, 2013
John Maguire (@MaguireTheOne) March 7, 2013
FETCH THE HORSES
Injured!Caught a slightly tear in my quad muscle so unfortunatly out of may 25's UFC.Not happy to let you guys 'the fans' down!— Alistair Overeem (@Alistairovereem) March 7, 2013
#RALLYFOR... EH, FORGET IT
@anakinskyboogie hey dummy Mark Hunt turned down the fight with JDS as of last night so STFU when u don't know what ur talkin about.— Dana White (@danawhite) March 7, 2013
@blueburry22 don't ask me. Ask him, I didn't tell anyone to rally shit.— Dana White (@danawhite) March 7, 2013
WAIT A SECOND...
Jus so u know I don't turn fights down— mark richard hunt (@markhunt1974) March 8, 2013
I have never turned down a fight and even wen I was injured I had to force myself not to fight your general fears no man but the almighty— mark richard hunt (@markhunt1974) March 8, 2013
Troops the general jus checked in to the shangrila Sydney for a nite with the misses thanks so much OMG management— mark richard hunt (@markhunt1974) March 8, 2013
Mark Hunt and I just got off the phone and had a GREAT conversation!!— Dana White (@danawhite) March 8, 2013
I won in 39 sec. By proper technique.Not by strength advantage. instagr.am/p/Wil0nsCsBl/— Fallon Fox (@FallonFox) March 7, 2013
THE SCARS OF BATTLE
Joe Lauzon (@JoeLauzon) March 7, 2013
I went into that class tonight extremely humble ready to learn— Jon Bones Jones (@JonnyBones) March 7, 2013
I never understood the #GallonMilkChallenge it's physically impossible & even if you did. You're just the asshole who drank a gallon of milk— Yves Edwards (@thugjitsumaster) March 7, 2013
Announced yesterday (Thursday, March 7, 2013):
FANPOST OF THE DAY
Today's Fanpost of the Day sees Punisher take an opposite, and potentially divisive approach: Nick Diaz - A History Of Failing Upwards
I'll be up front and say it, I am not a fan of Nick Diaz at all. I don't like him as a fighter and I don't care for him as a person. How could I possibly not like him? He always gives it everything he has in the cage, he gives his opponents the finger after slapping them in the face, and he always acts like he just doesn't give a crap.
Well, if you're willing to indulge me for a few minutes, I'll explain exactly why.
I look at Nick's antics both inside and outside of the cage with disdain, not admiration like so many others do. Some people enjoy watching him taunt and Stockton slap whoever he's in the cage with, but I'm not one of them. I view this sort of thing as little more than cheap tricks he employs in hopes of causing his opponent to make mistakes that he can capitalize on. They worked when he was fighting lower tier guys during his time outside of the UFC, but not when actually facing the best in the world.
To me, his fight with Carlos Condit showcased just how limited Nick is as a fighter. He used the exact same gameplan he had been using for years, which is to simply plod forward and pin his opponent against the cage so he can pepper with them shots till they drop. When Carlos refused to fall into the same trap that so many had before him, Diaz was unable to do anything about it despite his corner telling him to cut Condit off each time he circled back to the center of the cage. He just kept doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result, that is the definition of insanity.
Diaz and his fans called it running away, I call it fighting smart, only an idiot would play chicken with an oncoming train. Despite being the one moving forward most of the time, Nick was not in control of things, it was Condit masterfully playing Diaz like a violin, he made Nick come to him while out striking him the entire night. Diaz was forced to fight the fight Carlos wanted, not the other way around.
As the fight progressed, Diaz dipped into his normal bag of tricks (taunting, middle finger, and slapping) to try and disrupt Condit's thought process, only this time they had no effect. When Carlos refused to take the bait, Diaz had no idea what to do, this is why I believe he held onto his leg after the end of the 3rd round, he was ready to try anything in hopes of shaking Condit mentally.
That covers him inside the cage, but what about outside of it.
Nick Diaz has a long history of never having to face the consequences for his actions. Most of the time he either hasn't been disciplined at all or in any significant way, or he's actually been rewarded. He also has a habit of throwing a temper tantrum and making up excuses when things haven't gone his way. A true champion faces adversity head on and bounces back, they don't take their ball and go home, you don't need to look any further than GSP for the perfect example of that.
His trainer/manager Cesar Gracie is also right there with a list of excuses for him anytime something goes wrong, in their world there is always some outside force that's to blame, Nick is totally innocent.
Lets look at some of the poor choices Nick has made over the last several years and what happened afterward.
More after the jump...
Found something you'd like to see in the Morning Report? Just hit me on Twitter @shaunalshatti and we'll include it in Monday's column.